They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
