i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
