They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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