i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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