The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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