go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
