Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
