Betty ford says i'm here all night
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
