You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
