I love black thongs
Someone shit on the floor
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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