i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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