The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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