Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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