I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize