i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
