I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize