I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
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