His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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