Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
