you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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