You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
