Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize