Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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