Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
