Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
