I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
