Cold hands, warm shart.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
