If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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