ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
