Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
