.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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