Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
can u get pink eye on your cock?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize