The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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