Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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