As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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