I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
