is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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