I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize