My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so let's talk penis.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
