Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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