I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
