You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
