I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
