We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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