You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
