how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
