I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
