When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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