So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
