How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
