oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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