And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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