There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
