Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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