OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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