i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
