Pappa wants mamma naked
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
