His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
