So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
