Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
