I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
