I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
