there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
