I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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