talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
