Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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