I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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