sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
