life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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