This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
