I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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