I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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