My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
