Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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