Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
