I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize