Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
