I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
