my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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