i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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